It is what it is?

Have you ever heard the statement "It is what it is?" Well I don't quite get it. I am not a person to just let the world pass me by. If I sat back on my haunches and let things just happen, I'd be in a sorry state.
One might say "God has everything under control, so there is nothing for me to do." I don't think that is how God operates. I believe that through our lives we are faced with giants that we have no idea as to how to conquer. I also hope that it is God at work in me that gives me the strength to carry on. It is God working in others as they hold out their hands to help when they see me suffering. The problem that can happen when we allow fear, anxieties, self condemnation or self righteousness to enter our lives is that we come to believe the lies of the world.
So how do we keep the giants of guilt, sorrow, doubt and fear at bay; or even better conquered for good? I don't want anyone to think that I have it all figured out, but I would like to offer some of the actions that have allowed me to take baby steps as I travel the rugged road of grief. There isn't a formula, there is no right or wrong way to grieve. I have had to learn some very difficult facts of life. Like my son, Jason will not walk through the door and I will wake up from this terrible nightmare. I have had to realize that I can not pretend everything is OK, when it isn't. While I battle with the doubts and insecurities in my mind that are only lies, I have to look outside of my self to others that truly care about me. I had to take steps out onto a tightrope without a net. I had to enter places I have never gone. I had to embrace my grief just long enough to feel it fully then to let it go and let things be just what they are. A most horrible event that crushes your heart. Then giving a tattered and torn heart to a Loving God to be healed. I know that real healing comes as I travel the road, not chosen by me. but never the less a road that must be explored. Finding along the way nuggets of truth. I met compassion, love, mercy and grace. There was no way around the path, but there is something to be revealed, to be experienced and to be comforted by.
We all have different journeys yet the same destination. We can arrive at a place that the love felt for our lost loved one is catapulted into a place of making a difference for others. I have not met a survivor that does not eventually reach out to someone else that is hurting in the same way they hurt. I see that as Hope for the Hopeless, Help for the Helpless and a place of safety for a broken heart that does not know what to do with the realities before them.
May prayer and hope is for those that are tormented and in despair can hear someone say "I care" and then then hold on until the storm passes.

Mom Left Behind

Happy Birthday Jason!!!

March 5th, 2010

I started my blog today with the date.I do so because today is Jason's birthday. He would be 35 years old today.He would have the chance to see his grandson and share in all of his family and friends joys and hardships. I have spent time today contacting the family of Andrew Koenig, who dies by suicide last week. I felt that today was the day to to so. Jason's birthday. As the years have past I have found ways to keep Jason's memory alive. I will light a candle for him today. I will spend time reliving the day he was born and hope to make it through the day with joy and freedom from the sadness and sorrow that sometimes comes without warning.
Today is also a very important day for another reason. Today is our 15th wedding anniversary. We chose this date to be married so as to always have a reason to be happy and joyful for the life God has given us to share together.
I am also very grateful that I am here today to grieve or be joyful. To have been given another year in the Shadow of cancer. I can only be filled with the gratitude that is only been possible by the grace and mercy of God.
I close now to enjoy this very special day with my husband, my friend and lover.
Take care of your self and always be aware of the time you have been given and thankful for the loved ones in your life.

Pattie
Mom left behind