Hope through the dark times

My apologies for being so lax in my writings. I have had a week of physical challenges. I do have much to say right now and hope I can communicate it in a way that it can be understood as intended. I have certain times of the year that are more difficult to deal with than others and this is one of those times.
March 5th, 1975 my son Jason was born. He started his life with some difficulties. He was only 5 lbs. 7 oz. and had a double inguinal hernia, which required surgery. He was 7 months old before that was done. Until then he was in a great amount of pain at times. I can still remember as if it where yesterday, rocking him and singing to him just to keep him from crying constantly. I can feel his tiny body in my arms and feeling so helpless to bring him comfort. This is a part of the loss that can bring me the most pain.
I can at times wonder if this Early circumstance in his life led to a long term feeling of unexplained and not understood pain that brought him to the point of despair that led to his death. It is not that I feel that there was any guilt or responsibility on my part for this fact. It is just a pondering that occurs at times.
After a time, after his birthday has past and spring comes to spread it's beauty to be absorbed. I will remember the truth of God's hand in all things. That through the darkest times of winter there is an awakening ahead to behold. The joy of the Resurrection is made known and the pain of my loss is lightened from my heart . I know that with God in control I will be comforted and renewed by his grace and mercy.
I have come to understand that I must have the moments in the valley to appreciate the mountain top experiences so graciously given. My hope is stirred and I am given the opportunity to share his love with others that have lived with the pain of loss.
I hope these words, although may appear to be dark or hopeless can be seen if only dimly a promise of joy to come.

Mom left behind.

For the Lord shall be He is an everlasting light and the days of my mourning shall be ended.
Is.60:20